Jane and Jon Doe hailed from Townsville, P.A.
Where the shops had no signs and the streets had no names
Nobody there knew what anything was
Or where anything goes
Or what anyone does

Jane had 5 sisters, who were all just named “Jane”
Her neighbors, the Does, had three girls named the same
They’d all hang their stockings in a neat little row
“Jane-Jane-Jane-Jane-Jane” and they’d all end in Doe

Santa was baffled, his Jane list, so long
No way he’d deliver without getting it wrong
And so he’d just shrug and fly on past the town
And each Christmas morning Townsville was let down

So Jane and Jon Doe set out to go find
A town that had names and all things of this kind
They packed all their stuff in an orange Astro Van
And bought Yoohoos and Slim Jims from the gas station man
His name was Jon Doe, and he wished them good luck
“Don’t run out of gas” he said, “then you’ll be screwed.”

The old pin-striped van fired up in the night
And they blared Johnny Cash and peeled out at the light
The mountains ahead promised Christmas for all
And a place that had folks who knew what they were called

Orange Van

Then early one morning in a valley below
Jane and Jon Doe saw a town all a-glow
The people were singing and calling out names
“Hey Larry!” “Felicia!” “Cornelius!” “James!”

The shop signs read “Best Buy,” “Bed, Bath, and Beyond”
“Applebees,” “Hot Topic,” and “Jimmy John’s”

The women were gorgeous, the men, debonaire
A sense of adventure was thick in the air

And all of their wrists were adorned with ID
Engraved with the numbers of dear family
In case something happens, we’d know who to call
We’d know if an allergy exists at all
We’d know if a medical issue is there
We’d know where home is, and who’s gonna care

Now to the Does it’s abundantly clear
Why Santa Claus skipped over Townsville each year
How could the people expect him to know
With 1242 Jane and Jon Does

So they both bought IDs, and began to unpack
Scored jobs at Hot Topic, and never looked back
Finally one year, Jane and Jon had a son (pretty sure they weren’t cousins or anything)
Then, ironically named their baby boy “Jon”

And the only Jane Does and Jon Does around
Were the real ones, that hailed from a poorly named town.

From all of us at ROAD iD,

Happy Holidays.

The Road ID Blog